


Maybe

by draconianApathy



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: ANYWAY yes spoilers warning if you haven't seen the most recent episode, Crying, Self-Loathing, general emotional negativity, here you have instead Roman and Virgil post-svs redux, im probably gonna write another with Virgil and Remus doing absolutely nothing during svs, mild panic attack, self-deprecation, their relationship is up to interpretation, this is a follow up to the pre-svs redux i posted with Virgil and Janus, you don't have to read that one though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:07:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24558922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/draconianApathy/pseuds/draconianApathy
Summary: After confronting Patton, Janus and Thomas, Roman feels absolutely overwhelmed. Instead of brooding by himself, he chooses to let out his feelings by talking to the only side who'd sympathize with him in that moment. They end up singing, yes, and what about it?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	Maybe

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be only a vent fic but I'm actually making it part of a series related to the events of SvS redux where Janus, Roman and Remus all visit Virgil's room for different reasons at different times. This is post-SvS redux, the prequel with Janus has already been posted. Yes, another one of those where Roman seeks comfort to Virgil. Enjoy!
> 
> (All song lyrics borrowed from Virgil's playlist)

Hell no.

Roman sank up in the all too familiar corridor, marching it down with heavy steps that would have formed holes on the floor if they had been just a little more massive.

The prickling in his eyes didn't matter, as the trembling of his hands counted more.

His eyes darted from a door to another as if he'd forgotten how they had been placed, ignoring his own in favour of probably the only person who would've lent him a chance to speak in that moment.

A knock then another and he was met with an uncharacteristically smiling face cornered by the trademark patchwork hoodie.

The smile faltered as Virgil processed Roman's expression.

« What did we say about repression and bottling up emotions? » that was an unusual conversation starter.

_Something went definitely wrong._

« That it's … bad? It's bad. » Virgil had never been as good with words as Logan, but he could get to the point nonetheless.

« Right. So, » Roman's body seemed to be moving at light speed, mirroring how rapidly his mind was racing, how quickly he could respond. « You'll agree with me that, to prevent that, one must turn to someone else, maybe someone capable of understanding what might be going wrong. »

« A good point, I guess. »

« Indeed. Therefore if I just- » he pushed past Virgil and entered the room, quick and short steps reached the centre of it while Roman's arms opened wide as he turned back to look at Anxiety. « If I just- » his tone higher, the need to get everything out even stronger, his voice cracked and on the verge of shattering.

Virgil's concern rose, he slowly shut the door as he followed Roman's pacing with slightly wider eyes.

« If I just _fucking lose it_. For _once_. I don't know what to do anymore! Anything I do, I say _anything_ goes wrong. I'm wrong! I'm never- » he recollected some breath, face now wet with tears. « What am I supposed to do anymore? »

Virgil mirrored everything that was opposite of Roman: mild breathing, soothing pacing, moving slowly around the room not to strengthen the other's panic.

Roman was now leaning against furniture, so Virgil reached the office chair and pulled it towards them, sitting with his chest against the back of the seat.

He looked up at Roman, careful. « What makes you say that? »

Virgil knew that type of attitude, the way your brain has a breakdown after way too many contradictions, way too many reloads and discrepancies.

It was already too late, Roman's mind went through the scenes again, which made him sob and cry even more while hearing everything they'd told him that day and before. He fell down and his face was buried in his hands.

Virgil slowly got up, careful not to make startling sounds, and reached the other, sitting next to him, but still giving him space. He tried to maintain his own tranquility so Roman wouldn't have to be around further distressing energy.

He started off with a barely audible tune which transformed into words. « _As I walk through the streets of my new city, my back feeling much better, I suppose I've reclaimed the use of my imagination. For better or for worse, I've yet to know._ » he tentatively put a hand on Roman's back, paying attention to his reaction and trying to console him when he noticed it didn't bother him.

« _But I always knew you'd be the one to understand me, I guess that's why it took so long to get things right_. » Virgil let a small smile creep on his face, remembering how much they used to bicker in the past, even though it hurt most times. « _Suddenly I'm lost on my street, on my block. Oh why, oh why-_ »

Roman finally joined his singing, feeling the words fit him so much to let him vent that way. « _Oh why haven't you been there for me? Can't you see, I'm losing my mind this time? This time I think it's for real, I can see …_ »

« _All the tree tops turning red. The beggars near bodegas grin at me, I think they want something. I close my eyes, I tell myself to breathe._ » their tone was much softer than the original song. Virgil had taken a small pause to breathe for real. « _And be … calm. Be calm._ » he turned to directly look at Roman. « _I know you feel like you are breaking down. Oh I know that it gets so hard sometimes._ » he watched as Roman tried to progressively stop crying. « _Be calm._ »

« _Take it from me, I've been there a thousand times._ » Virgil continued, softer than in the original song. « _You hate your pulse because it still thinks you're alive. And everything's wrong, it just gets so hard sometimes. Be calm._ »

He heard the other's breathing ease. It was working, so Virgil kept singing to make him comfortable.

« _Hey. Don't write yourself off yet. It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on. Just try your best, try everything you can._ » he was looking ahead of himself, but he was sure Roman was listening. « _And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away._ »

Roman still had his head buried in his knees, so he slightly looked up at turned to the side.

« _It just takes some time, little girl, you're in the middle of the ride, everything, everything will be just fine. Everything, everything will be all right._ »

Virgil was resting his arm around Roman's shoulder now, finding him much more relaxed.

« _Live right now, just be yourself. It doesn't matter if that's good enough for someone else._ » he sang quietly.

Roman moved an arm and suddenly Anxiety's room changed and they were sitting against a tree at night up on a hill, while they watched the silent city in the distance with its flickering lights that matched the stars.

The wind was howling so nicely that it simply turned into a gentle breeze, tickling their skin with a touch of coldness.

Virgil resonated that it could have been a safe space for Roman, so he kept singing until the other felt ready to talk or didn't need anymore reassurance.

« _Tell me that you're alright, that everything is alright._ »

He still had his arm around the other's shoulders.

« _Please tell me that you're alright, that everything is alright._ »

As he sang, he moved his hand and ran it through Roman's hair instead.

« _I'm sick of the things I do when I'm nervous like cleaning the oven or checking my tires._ »

Roman joined him for real this time. « _Or counting the number of tiles in the ceiling ..._ »

« _Head for the hills, the kitchen's on fire._ »

Creativity let a tiny smile on his face, so Virgil carried on with confidence. « _I used to rely on self-medication, I guess I still do that from time to time. But I'm getting better at fighting the future. Someday you'll be fine._ »

« _Yes, I'll be just fine._ » Roman got closer to the other, resting his head on Virgil's shoulder for more comfort.

They started singing the chorus together and ended up in a giggling mess, but when it all died down, Roman sighed heavily and the illusion fell, taking them back to Virgil's room.

There was a beat of silence.

« In the courtroom. Remember how every single one of you kept going against me for wanting to hear that snake out? »

Anxiety nodded. There was no lie in that, but the premise already told him where that was going.

« So I made up my mind, right? I listened to all of your reasoning, I did my best to understand, to put my pride and dreams aside to please you. I tried to convince myself that it was the best for Thomas when my guts kept telling me how wrong I was. »

Roman watched the other tilt his head without losing focus.

« I brushed aside my dread during the wedding day. I changed my mind on everything I was settled on during that day. Only for what? Seeing everybody doing a big U-turn and leaving me in my own confusion. »

« A u-turn? » Virgil raised an eyebrow, clearly unaware of the events that had just occurred.

« Magically now both Patton and Thomas, and I suppose also Logan, are in favour of that slimy guy's ideals. Now. Only _now_ that everything is all gone and lost already. _Now_ that I can't go back in time, now that it's too late for anything! »

He had thought he was done with tears. « So it ended up my longing for the callback was a better choice and I wasn't being selfish? What do I even do with it? It's as useful as a get well soon card for when you get an indelible scar. »

« They sided with Deceit? » Virgil wasn't quite sure he had heard correctly.

Though … his conversation with him earlier …

« Blindly, almost with no opposition. And I can't believe any direction I follow, everybody turns around and leaves me walking by myself. » Roman curled up on himself more, arms around his chest. « Alone in the wrong spotlight. » he mumbled, side eyeing the drawer next to him.

Virgil fidgeted with the hem of his hoodie, considering the ever too familiar situation.

He extended an arm towards him, uncharacteristically determined. « Come here. »

A pair of eyes looked up at Virgil unsure, only to accept his help and end up sitting on the bed, opposite to him.

« I know how it feels. Deep confusion, you don't know what's right or wrong anymore and you feel like anywhere you go, you'll crash into a wall and someone will end up hurt. You, most likely. »

Virgil refrained from making eye-contact.

« And it hurts, it hurts like hell cause the ones that are going against you are the ones you love and that you believe that love you as well. That's where the doubts start and then you spiral. »

Roman found his reasoning so accurate it hit him like a sharp sudden pain in his heart.

« But you know what? »

He raised his head.

« I'm glad you didn't bottle it up this time. Because if you did … I don't know, I'm just happy you haven't fought with anyone. »

That was when he raised an eyebrow: he heard Virgil's voice shift towards the end, in a sort of understood thing, an unspoken truth Virgil didn't want to uncover.

Maybe they really were alike under all those layers of sarcasm.

« And that- that wouldn't have been nice at all. » Roman had also noticed how the conversation was stalling on that particular, as if the other weren't able to move on from that topic and now his mind was clouded by that argument only.

« You … » Roman encouraged the best he could. « Well, yeah. It's pretty obvious you had a fight with them. Right? »

Virgil shook his head to brush off the topic. « Gosh, I'm sorry. I was trying to help you and yet I made my own issues surface. »

« It's okay, we're all a bit broken. » Roman tentatively stretched his arm and put a hand on his back.

The other turned to him and showed a small smile. « See, that's what I admire of you. Even while distressed you still try to sympathize with others. » there was a pause. « I would probably yell at everyone like when someone insists on talking before an hour of being awake. »

Neither of them could escape laughter, a little heartfelt moment in a dark alley.

« Back to you, anyway. » Virgil waved his hand as if to physically brush the topic away. « I believe the reason why this mess has happened is because everyone's pretty confused. We've been touching a complicated ground and it's only logical we make mistakes. »

« The thing is, Roman, you care a lot about Thomas and it shows. You want to make sure he's going to be happy about the kind of life he pursues. » he looked him in the eyes. « You're not doing anything wrong. Rather, you're doing your best. »

Roman bit his lip and he nodded, his eyes sliding down to the floor.

« In the long run, I'm sure it's gonna be fine. And if Thomas will ever end up in the bad zone, we'll find a way to get him out of here, okay? »

Creativity exhaled deeply and felt the tangle in his stomach slowly dissipate.

« Thank you, Virgil. »

Anxiety relaxed as he watched Roman's features soften. « Don't mention it. »

Roman stood up, brushing his hands on his face like he had been washing it with imaginary water.

« I guess I'll try and let off some steam in the Imagination. » he made to head for the door, when he stopped dead in his tracks.

« Fuck. »

Virgil's heart sunk, expecting further complexes. « What's wrong? »

« I forgot to ask if you were stable enough to endure a vent moment. »

But then, of course, another smile made its way on his face. « Nah, I had been playing stupid video games until ten minutes ago. Don't worry big guy, go fight the dragon witch. »

Roman huffed as he crossed the hallway again. « I've defeated her eons ago, let me live it down! »

Snickering accompanied the echo of his voice and Virgil's smile only faltered some seconds after.

Yeah, maybe they were all a little bit broken. Maybe he was still holding grudges he thought he didn't care about anymore.

But, then again, _maybe_ everything was going to be alright either way.


End file.
